Today was like a well-written horror story. Everything dovetailed in the end.
About 4 days ago I almost forgot to soap up in the shower. Ha, ha, and then I turned back on the water and finished. Little did I know it was foreshadowing.
Two days ago our little car, AJLUVSEM, died. Needs a new radiator and maybe something else. Expensive, inconvenient, and it means AJ takes the van to work and the boys and I are stranded at home. Nice place to be stranded and all, but still stranded.
This morning, I thought to myself, Self, you don't really need a shower, but for good habit's sake, why don't you just hop in. So I did. I should have heard the creepy soundtrack, and I'm sure everyone in the theater was shouting "Don't do it!" and covering their eyes, but the director urged me on, and I got wet.
Then just before I got soap on me, I saw a HUGE, RED outside bug in the shower with me. Of course I screamed like a crazy and woke my baby. Then I leapt out, dripping water everywhere. I have a huge garden tub, and a water-conserving shower head, so trying to drown him thusly was just silly. Then I turned on the tub spigot. Little more luck, but then the little turd just treaded water. So then I went into AJ's closet to find a shoe that 1) was thick-soled so I wouldn't have to feel the crunch and 2) did well in water. I found a Teva and went back to my treading nemesis. I shut off the tub water and tried to squish him, but the sole is like a tire, and he kept getting lucky. Or maybe he's super-skilled at getting in Teva tread, I don't know. Eventually I got a good crunch, and I watched him for a long time to see if he was just fooling me. Then I toweled off and got dressed. And rescued my baby.
That nasty fella is still in my tub, and I will check periodically to make sure he hasn't moved.
I'm not sure why the car breaking down made it into the story. Maybe because in situations like this I usually would leave home until AJ came home to dispose of the remains? Whatever. It seemed pertinent at the beginning. Trapped with a monster in the house and all of that.
So now the question is, how did the bug get there? The windows in my bathroom don't open, it's upstairs, in fact, my bathtub would be the hardest place for a big nasty outside bug to get. So now I say to the writers and producers of my personal horror film: totally unrealistic. Get it together.
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9 comments:
My guess is it came up through the drain. All the nasties come up through the sewer. That's just my guess, but who knows. If your boys were older, I would say it was one of their secret pets and if I were you, I would check their rooms for more.
HILARIOUS.
Em, I realize you are deathly afraid of bugs but it is just a bug and you are much bigger than it. Find a paper towel (or 2 or 3) grab it, wad it up and throw it away in your outside trash, just in case it comes back to life to haunt you again. Call me if you need more support.
P.S. I am going to have Dad read this when he gets home.
Take a picture of it. Let's find out what kind of bug it is. I'm with Stephanie -- it probably came up your drain. Nasty! Pour some Drano down your tub drain.
I don't think people realize the gravity of these bugs. They are big and gross.I can kill all the bugs but those and those creepy hundred legged earwig centipede things. Secondly, we kept having the same thing happen every time it rained at my house in the bathroom in my bedroom. Turned out, they were entering the water heater closet outside every time it rained and they felt like seeking cover. Then there was a tiny crack in the wall down by the baseboard where it didn't quite meet. We have since shoved a wad of toilet paper in there. It used to happen a lot. We have a lot of pine trees in our yard and the internet says that's where they live. Although, I know the truth is they live in my nighmares.
So, so funny. I almost peed my pants from laughing.
I realize that I'm not being terribly empathetic. Sorry about that.
Too funny.
These actually usually come in from dropping off of a tree onto your roof and then crawling down your bathroom fan. That's what an exterminator will tell you.
I hate killing them. Oh the squish, which is a real squish. When I kill them I scream with every swat. My kids laugh at me.
Why didn't you call me? I would have brought a whole roll of paper towels and got it for you. Though stranded, you are not alone!
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